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My precious Abigail,

Before I ever knew that you would exist, I loved the idea of you. From the time I was a little girl, I always believed I’d be a Mommy; it was the one thing that I always knew I wanted. As I watched our friends and family have children, I couldn’t wait to have a baby of my own so that I could love you, teach you about the world and enjoy watching you grow and become your own person. Your Daddy and I tried to get pregnant for a long, long time. It was such a hard thing to want something so much and wonder whether we would ever get what we wanted. Your Daddy was always so strong and supportive, though, and he always believed that it would happen, even when I had trouble believing it ever could.

Finally, of course, it did!

This is the very first picture of you:

We were so happy when the doctor gave us this picture - we were able to see your little heart beating on the monitor already, strong and fast! We were so excited that we couldn’t stop smiling all day long. Even though we didn’t tell anyone else yet that you were growing inside of me, we couldn’t hide how happy we were.

Before you were even born, I loved the potential of you. While I was pregnant with you, I would dream about all of the things that you might be. I didn’t know at first whether you were going to be a boy or a girl, but when we found out that you were a girl we were thrilled. I was going to have a daughter! What kind of girl would you be? What would it be like to finally have you here with us? Would you have your daddy’s blue eyes, or my green eyes? Would you have blonde hair or brown hair? What would your smile look like? What would your own special baby smell be like? Would you be an athlete? A musician? A scientist? All of the above? Your Daddy and I would talk for hours about our dreams for you, our hopes for you. We want so much to give you a good life so that you can become anything and everything that you want to be.

Best of all, though, since the moment you were born, I have loved the reality of you. The last year has been an amazing journey. It has been everything I thought it would be, everything I dreamed it would be, and more. It has been harder sometimes than I ever imagined, but it has been the most rewarding and joyful year of my life by far.

I have watched you learn so much - you just soak up the world around you. I can see you taking things in and absorbing them. I’ve wondered sometimes what you think of what you’re learning so intently! I’ve watched you figure out to push up on your belly and how to sit up all by yourself. I’ve watched you learn to roll over, and I’ve seen you take your first big move toward independence by learning to crawl. I’m watching you practice standing up, and I know that you’ll be walking away from me before I know it!

I’ve watched you charm the world - from other babies to old men and everyone in between. (For some reason, teenage boys are especially taken in by your flirting and your huge smile!) It’s impossible to see your smile and not smile back, you know! You were so colicky for a long time - you would cry and cry for hours, and nothing would make you happy except nursing. Oh, that was a hard time - I wanted so badly to make you feel better! But now you are such a happy girl that everyone comments on it. You have a smile for everyone, and you make people happy wherever you go. I hope that you never lose that gift of joy.

This year has gone by so quickly! It really does seem like just yesterday that we brought you home and wondered what on earth to do next. In the last year you’ve gone from a tiny sleeping bundle of quiet to a little person who makes it very clear when you want something. You can tell me when you want milk or when you want food, you tell me when you’re tired and when you want to play. You give the best kisses and hugs - the very best feeling in the world is when you pull yourself up to me and then put your little arms around my neck and squeeze so tight!

The best thing about the age you are right now is that everything is new and exciting, and I get to rediscover the world right along with you. I get to be amazed by the grass and the sky, and I get to be entranced by the water in the shower. I get to belly laugh at the dogs chasing bubbles and giggle when we put on our socks. I get to rediscover the joy in every single day, and it’s all because of you.

Today you turn one year old, and in some ways, so do I. I love you, my baby girl!

- Mama