First day blahs
January 4th, 2004 by Liss
It seems that there might be something inherently wrong with me. I just realized that I’ve had two five-day weekends in a row (working two days each Christmas and New Year week) and I’m sitting here at 10pm Sunday evening positively dreading going back to work tomorrow. The truth is that I have a very good job with a great company, plenty of autonomy and very few hassles, and so on et cetera, ad nauseum, but no matter what I do or how I try, I can’t muster up even a shred of enthusiasm for it tonight.
No doubt the lingering depression I’m dealing with has something to do with it, but I also need to find a way to deal with the fact that I’m really not challenged by anything in my work anymore. I’m still doing the things today that I mastered a year (or two or three) ago, and the truth is that I’m don’t see that changing much given the company’s current direction and client base. I could create new challenges by moving in entirely new directions with my career, but thus far I haven’t had much luck in ever making that happen. The only direction that the executive team sees a need for is back to project management, and my years in project management already showed me that while I’m very good at it and clients love me, I hate it with the heat of a thousand fiery suns. Or, uh, something.
Unfortunately, there are only a handful of technical people in the company, and there are things that I do that the other tech people don’t know all that well. While they’d figure it out if they had to, at this point those (billable) jobs are too valuable to simply write off because I’d rather do something more interesting.
There’s the side issue that I’m not really sure that I find those new directions really interesting, either, and it leaves me wondering again if the problem is really in my own head and not with anything in the situation itself. Round and round I go in my head, with plenty of questions and very few answers.